


If You Could Turn Back Time, Would You?

by CaptainOfDaShip



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby (1974), The Great Gatsby (2013)
Genre: Crossdressing, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-08-07 14:18:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16410059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainOfDaShip/pseuds/CaptainOfDaShip
Summary: What happens when you are given a chance to go back? A chance to fix things, try something new, and possibly save a life.





	1. Light Within

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone this is my 2nd great gatsby fic, i just love this pair too much. So, i am in between another fic at the moment so this one might take a bit to update but no worries i have no desire to cut it off early. It will be finished one way or another! So if you enjoy it please stick with me till the end. Thanks! And as always enjoy.

I had loved him, that was the simple and unequivocal truth. I wish I could say his death had shocked me to my core, but somewhere deep down I had always known. A soul that shined that bright, wouldn’t last. Nor did it come to my surprise that barely a soul had shown after his passing. He lived in a fake world filled with endless uncaring and faceless people. During the time I had known him, I had tried my best to show him that I am not a part of that heartless world he finds himself in. Perhaps that’s why he took a liking to me. If only he had left that world before it was too late. Sometimes I wonder if by the time I had met him it was already too late. I had hoped my dear cousin would’ve had the decency to at least show some desire to attend the funeral. But perhaps she too had a hard time swallowing the fact that the light of the past had been snuffed out. I wish I had the strength to hate her for what she’s done. But what little strength I have left is spent stuck in my own thoughts. Without Jay the world had lost its color to me. Or perhaps he had a way of maneuvering people into his fever filled dream that it made everything outside of it disappear. All I know for sure is that my perception of the world had changed, I was no longer that naive Midwest kid. 

My family hadn’t been the happiest to learn about my need to return. You see, after the incident, nothing was the same. Gatsby had left a gaping hole behind and it consumed everything. The house including my own well being felt like a tomb of a forgotten time, and I no longer had any desire to be within it. 

I have been pondering as of late the useless “what ifs” of life. What if, Jay hadn’t died, what if I hadn’t gone to New York in the first place, and what if he had known of my feelings? These useless thoughts have been plaguing my every waking moment. They say you must always wake from your dreams, however Jay was one dream I wished would have gone on forever. 

Tonight was no different, as I laid there on my bed images of the past flashed through my mind’s eye. Images of that beautiful smile. After what felt like hours my brain finally felt the siren call of slumber and my eyes felt too heavy and cumbersome to keep open. And the blissful sweet escape of sleep had finally taken over. 

In the blissful moment before waking something felt different, almost lighter. As I opened my eyes I felt at peace for once in a very long time. The thoughts and images of yesteryear no longer enslaved me. The sun was streaming through the open window when the realization dawned on me. This had felt nothing like my childhood bed back in Wisconsin. My eyes poured through the contents and layout of the room, this was my room back in west egg. Then as much courage I could muster my eyes darted to the calendar on the far wall. This is the fateful day I had first learned of the Great Gatsby.


	2. Back at the Start of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events begin to play out exactly as they did before, but now that Nick knows the future what will change? Or will anything change?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made Nick's character a little wishy washy between being nervous/cowardly and determined/brave because hell its more realistic and it gives him room to become braver.

It’s been hours since I had first awoken to this, this dream? If it is a dream yet or not, I haven’t come to any sensible conclusion. And that is the crux of my problem, there is nothing sensible about this. If this isn’t a dream then was what happened up until now the dream? And if it were a dream does that mean any action taken would have no repercussions? My mind went around like this in circles debating, and it would have gone on longer had I not been called upon to join Daisy at her home. Even though her actions that were taken, or not yet taken, were still very fresh to me I had decided to see where the day lies. Perhaps this second chance, if it were, will be a blessing.

“The idea is if we don’t look out the white race will be-will be submerged.” My happiness for being given this second lease on life had its downfalls. Having to listen once more to the giant buffoons words, as if he could actually come up with any thoughts or ideas on his own, had been trying to my temper. The last time I was here, (that is to say if this isn’t a dream) I had been complacent. However, since Gatsby and his subsequent death something had changed in me. A small ember had been lit; I no longer want to be an observer in life. I want to feel, to be alive. So I stood up abruptly scaring Daisy and gaining Jordan’s attention. 

“Would letting everyone be equal be such a terrible idea?! Everyone should have an equal shot at life. Life is short, and there isn’t enough time to worry about trivial things like race or societal faux paus.” The harsh truth of my words had set me a back as well as the rest of them, but I promptly gathered myself and my coat and left. Seething contempt and a rage unlike any I’ve ever seen or felt had fueled me as I walked for miles. Thoughts twirled around my head once more and events of a year’s past blinded me. When finally the burning engine within me cooled and I looked up to notice I had reached my home. I had not noticed how far I had come, all I had known was my temper after having dealt with such terrible company. Knowing what they will become or perhaps have already been. Having this extra knowledge seems to seek to torment me further. 

Before I decided to turn in for the night something had caught my eye. Something I thought I would never have to see again. That blasted green light shown through the darkness. What once was just a light now felt more like a bad omen. And just as before, a familiar figure was peering out towards it. The last I was in this position I had gone against my desire to call out to him. Knowing that if this truly is another lease on life, another chance, that my dear friend would not know who I am. But as I mentioned before, I no longer felt the same the last I was here. His death had changed me, and I will no longer stand in the shadows. 

The sound of footsteps on the wooden dock rang in the night announced my presence, prompting for the figure to be shaken from his revere. “Lovely night isn’t it?” With a sudden attack of nerves I decided to simply stand beside him. I prayed that I would not succumb to them completely and ruin my first chance of meeting this wonderful man again. Certain that my idolizing gaze could be seen through the dark I forced my eyes to stare off at that horrid light. “Oh, I apologize hello. My name is Nick Carraway, I’m your neighbor.” Manners had once again won out against my nerves and I turned to face him. I extended my hand hoping that he couldn’t feel my nerves or the sweat building up on them. “Hello, I am Gatsby. Jay Gatsby.” And even in the dark that brilliant smile shown like a beacon. I was happy to see him once more, especially before the cards came crashing down. It took all of my willpower to not simply project myself at him and embrace my dear friend. “What’s the matter old sport?” Had I spoken aloud how he could have known of my insecure thoughts I will never know. All I know was I needed to escape lest I make a bigger fool out of myself. A deep blush crept up my face and I decided to end this conversation at once. “Well sorry to bother you, I had just finally seen you out from your home and decided to call upon you. Have a wonderful rest of your evening.” I rushed back home leaving a very bewildered Gatsby in my wake. 

Days went by with no word from my dear neighbor, to my dismay. I had wished I could summon up whatever courage I had that night on the dock. And simply stride up to his house and demand to have a word with him. But as before I had fallen down a similar path and was torn with indecision. However to my biggest misfortune, just as before, Tom had decided to introduce his mistress to me. Although he disapproved of my last outburst and my stance on most things, I believe he wished to show another man one of his shiny new toys. And that desire had surpassed any ill beliefs he had towards me. I had hoped that I would stand my ground and tell him I had no desire whatsoever to meet Myrtle. But as evil as fate could be it had to repeat this as well. 

Passing by that ominous sign, T.J. Eckleberg, once more I had felt that this time perhaps he saw through me. The last I was here, I had felt he was silently judging the sinners before him. Perhaps I was projecting myself onto a silly advertisement, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that now he pitied me. Pitied me for what had happened, and perhaps? No, I will not let myself indulge in this illusion that a mere sign could turn back the hands of time. 

“Neither of them can stand the person they’re married to.””I married him because I thought he was a gentleman..””They’ve been living over that garage for eleven years. And Tom’s the first sweetie she ever had.” Both Catherine and Myrtle droned on for what felt like hours. Had I not consumed the amount of alcohol that I had, I am afraid I would have pulled my hair out. These people that Tom associates himself with are no better than him. They talk with this air of superiority and faux beauty about them, but I haven’t seen a more ugly lot. Having known what each and every one of them were to say next, I had decided to simply tune it all out. To drown myself in alcohol and perhaps take that stroll I had wanted to do last time. Just as I was about to take my leave the charming Mr.McKee invited me to his room to show me his portfolio.

The silver lining to this whole ordeal was that I had another night with Mr. McKee. Which in the depths of my heart, I knew I had longed for another encounter. However this time my mind and heart replaced the man in my arms with another I have longed for quite some time now. But just as before, hours later, as I await my station. I knew this horrid sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach was because of what I am. And that I would never have the man I so desire with every ounce of my heart. 

The writer in me believes that this second chance was to achieve what I hadn’t before. To gain the heart that I had lost before I could even prove it was mine. That it was a chance to change myself as well. However the rational side of me still thinks this is all a beautiful illusion made by my own mind to help heal myself. Whatever the reason may be, fiction or not, my main goal still held true. I was to save Jay Gatsby from the hands of death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to try to follow along with the events in the book pretty closely for a little while at least. When Nick becomes more brave things will start diverging more from there.


	3. Here's to new beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick's frustration gets the better of him and he starts changing the events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Crap it's been over a month?! I'm so sorry everyone i hit a writers block then lost track of time. I was able to scrounge this up so im sorry Idk what to do with it. It started diverging from the book already i was sort of hoping to stick with the book plot for another 2 chapters at least. Also i promise to never do multi chapter fics again. I can't seem to keep with it. (that's not to say this wont be finished)

Gatsby had his parties like usual. Still not having seen my friend’s face I felt an unnerving desire to do so. I had hoped things were to progress naturally and events would unfold similar to before. I would have very much liked to receive an invitation like last time. I did not forget the significance of being the only person actually invited to his party. However days had gone by without a word and I have decided it had gone on long enough. And if his fate truly is sealed to that horrible day, that at least this way I would have more time with him. So I wore the best and only suit I owned and strode over to his house hoping to exude confidence with each stride. But I’m afraid my nerves started to rear its ugly head. 

Thankfully my mastered art of disappearing seamlessly among a crowd of faces had worked yet again. I blended into the party goers, with no one of significance calling upon me. To the world I was practically invisible. This natural born trait of mine let me enjoy being an onlooker to this wonderful extravaganza. 

People blissfully dancing, the orchestra billowing out a new melody after another. Everyone was in their own element, in their own world of happiness. Not one was like the other, and from the outside it could look like a wild mess of sorts. But when you find the secret, everyone fit together like a puzzle. The whole affair was always quite beautiful to me. If I could only stay in this enchanting moment. That must be the appeal to these lavish parties. I could’ve gone on basking in the beauty forever until a man had caught my eye. 

There he was, in all his glory talking among some party goers. My initial plans for introducing myself and hoping to speed up the friendship plan, had all but gone out the window. Something about watching him from afar had appealed to me. The way he seemed to charm the very feet off a person astounded me. This party, and the grandeur of it all, it was very much in his element. This was one of his purest moments. Before Daisy had ensnared him and corrupted him completely. I couldn’t look away had I tried. So I continued my watch upon the party until the night came to an end. 

A few remnant guests had started fumbling out. Their drunken mirth had warmed my heart for unknown reasons. And I started upon my own path towards my home hoping to slip out unnoticed. However to my dismay a voice rang out freezing my very stop. ““Old sport I didn’t know you came.”I turned to see him, he looked slightly disheveled due to sleeplessness but still as beautiful as ever. I shook myself from the momentary revere. “Yes I’m sorry I wasn’t invited this time but I just wanted to see what all the commotion was about.”Gatsby had a slightly bewildered face, and I realized then I had slipped up and revealed to someone my truth. That I was living in a bizarre loop of sorts. “I do apologize if my party had caused a disturbance.” I was delighted to discover he had simply dismissed my slip as a mere addition to my eccentric nervous behavior. “Not at all, I just, it looked like everyone was having fun. So I decided to take a look for myself.””And? Did you enjoy yourself old sport?””Yes, yes I did.” And as if my whole countenance wasn’t already shaken to its very core, a brilliant heartwarming smile grew upon his face. I remember this smile quite intimately. He reserved this for only Daisy and myself. It wasn’t anything like the ones he flashed at guests or acquaintances. This was a light and genuine smile that shown brighter than the sun. The very one that had haunted me for the better part of a year. After Gatsby’s death, it was the last image of him I could remember. And I am grateful that my mind would remember only the good. 

“Are you alright, old sport?” And just as sudden as the smile came it had faded away, replaced by a look of concern. “I’m alright thank you.” And a light chuckle erupted from his lips. “You’re a peculiar fellow. Can I call upon you at nine for a ride out on my hydroplane?” Without a second thought I jumped at the opportunity to be with my friend once again. “Yes, I’d love to.””Well alright then, good night or rather morning. And my chauffeur will arrive at nine to pick you up.””Thank you, and have a nice morning as well.”

I rushed back towards my home as if the hounds of hell were nipping at my feet. Upon entering I fell onto my floor unable to catch my breath. Fear that I was changing everything. Fear that I could possibly be speeding up his death by wanting to gain his friendship once more. Fear that his death was inevitable. Fear that he would find out about my true feelings towards him and despise me for it. But also the wonderful joy of being sucked back into the world of Jay Gatsby. Emotions consumed me until I was so rung out from them, that I had fallen asleep on that very floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like nick is becoming a little too angsty. In the book he seemed very indifferent and maybe a little sad to everything but here he's either nervous or mad. I guess if someone you loved deeply died it could have a tremendous effect on one's character but who knows. Sorry for it being short btw.


	4. Serpentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans begin to fall into place, who or what will become the casualty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the hydroplane he most likely owned was enclosed but for my purposes i'm making it more like an airplane like the one from Porco Rosso.

It was another slow day at work and my mind had decided to entertain itself. Images of the wonderful trip on the hydroplane began filling the spaces of my idle mind. I was afraid that mayhaps Gatsby would recognize my affinity for him. And I was afraid that I was wearing my heart on my sleeves. But as the wind swept through my hair and the beautiful sky lay before us. All of my worries fell away. There is a tranquil feeling to flight, it’s a wonder if birds feel this daily or that the sensation became numb to them. “Enjoying yourself old sport?””Yes, I truly am. To think it took humanity this long to experience this.” Before I could realize how my words had sounded, they fell from my lips unable to be retrieved. To my own ears I had sounded like a sappy girl with romantic notions. “You realize you’re a very peculiar fellow?” I stopped dead in my tracks, figuring that he must have discovered my secrets and my heart sank. Realizing my concern or perhaps his mistake he immediately tried to correct himself. “I mean no offense old sport. I mean to say that I’ve never met anyone like you.””I’m sure you have. You know of my cousin for one.” 

And the cat is out of his proverbial bag. I had wanted for him to learn of this organically. I hadn’t intended on bringing that woman in my precious time with him. And of course it was a monstrous slip of the tongue. “Your cousin?” There’s no going back now, he will learn of the truth sooner or later. “Yes her name is Daisy Buchanan, she lives over on East Egg. You can see her home just across the bay. In fact the night we first met I had just walked from her home. I do apologize for that night, I wasn’t myself.””I see, that’s quite alright old sport.”And a blanket of silence fell upon us, of course that woman had soiled the very mood. Even the mention of her name could ruin everything. I could feel the seed of hatred in my heart begin to grow faster. 

The next week I decided to see if I could catch another glimpse of my friend at his party. But unfortunately he was being as elusive as ever. I began to recount the events that unfolded at his parties last year and remembered something trivial. I once wrote a timetable with the names of all of Gatsby’s guests at his home that summer. Its header wrote “”This schedule in effect July 5th, 1922.”” I’m sure it’s somewhere gathering dust in a far corner of a room. Or maybe not, this time loop is getting harder and harder to navigate and understand. Anyhow it came to my attention that not a single person on that list had known a thing about their host. Nor did a single one attend his funeral. I presume if this were to be a replay of events, writing that list will be even less of use than it was the last time. 

Last year it had taken nearly the entirety of the summer for events to unfold and for my friendship with my neighbor to truly blossom. But I’m afraid my patience is eating away rather quickly. It wasn’t until July for him to finally decide upon knowing me further. A small part of me believes that it took him that long just to learn of my relationship with Daisy and set upon his plan. Whether that was the truth of the matter I will never know, nor do I wish to. Ignorance in this would shield my heart from becoming irreversibly shattered. 

Another few days had passed since seeing my friend’s face, I had begun to worry. Perhaps I needed to be more assertive and demand to see him? And just as the worry had begun to settle in my mind, Gatsby had arrived at my door to invite me to town for lunch. On the ride he had begun opening up to me, to make him seem more well rounded. However later on I had learned the truth. His father had divulged it all to me. Knowing now what I hadn’t then, I wonder how I will keep up the pretense of ignorance and of a relatively sane mind. My desire to spout his truth back at him would only frighten him and questions would arise that I wouldn’t have the ability to answer. Just as before I simply took every lie of his in and nodded along. 

We arrived for lunch and Wolfsheim was promptly introduced to me as was the case before. A foul air fell around me and I knew I was about to be ill. In my blissful ignorance the first time I learned of him I had felt nothing. But knowing now what he was capable of and what he had done in the past sickened me to the very core. Here was another hurdle in my journey that I wish I could have avoided. Thankfully after displaying his molar cuff links to me again, he took his leave. “So that Man?””Quite a character isn’t he? He fixed the 1919 world series.””I see” And just as the sour feeling from earlier was about to leave me, I caught sight of an even worse character. Before I had dragged Gatsby halfway across the room to greet Tom. But today I had no desire of ruining my constitution further. 

Later that very day, I had agreed upon my friend’s request and visited Jordan Baker. (If only to keep him happy and his suspicions of me to a minimum.) She decided to divulge the story of how she had come to know both Daisy and Gatsby. However when she reached the part in the story pertaining to my good friend, my heart leaped. It seems I’m becoming hopelessly and madly infatuated with him. I tried my best to wipe any sort of lovesick emotion from my face lest I’d be caught. But Jordan seemed to pick up on it, she always was clever. “Are you alright, is something bothering you?””I, I’m fine no worries. Please continue.””Are you sure, you look a little ill? Should I continue another day?””No, no nothing like the present continue.”That seemed to appease her for the time being and she continued right along. 

Thankfully she seemed blissfully unaware of the maelstrom of thoughts in my head. When she arrived to the part depicting how Daisy had essentially moved on it cut me further than ever before. It had taken her only a year to move on from Gatsby. She was fully capable of moving on after the love of her life had left. And yet here I am incapable of doing so. Sometimes I truly wonder if we were cut from the same cloth. I had remembered her letter from Gatsby, presumably asking her to not marry Tom. Times like this a little part of me envied Daisy for being the axis of two person’s worlds. And yet in the end she helped destroy both of them. 

Determination spread like wildfire in my veins when the realization of what I must do came to me. I must become the axis of Gatsby’s world in order to save him. This is when Jordan tells me of his plan to have me invite Daisy to my home. And then make it seem like a happy coincidence that he should show up. However this time around it will play out quite differently. She will never know of the invite. If I must become a serpent in order to save my friend I will. Daisy’s reputation will be the casualty but this time I will make sure lives will not be spent needlessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you enjoyed it and im hoping to finish this whole fic before the end of the year but dont hold me to it. Also hold onto your hats bc ch5 is going to start diverging further and get a little crazy.


	5. A Fork in the Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be a shield one might have to become a snake first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years everyone! I'm sorry for being late yet again, but this one is pretty long. I hope you enjoy it!

I arrived home rather late, around two am to be exact, and the whole west egg was lit up. Upon first observation I had assumed it had been a fire. But on closer inspection it was coming from Gatsby’s house. Ah, yes I vaguely remember this night. I presume he will come and invite me to join him to Coney Island or his pool. And there he is like clock work walking towards me. What was it that I said to him last? Ah yes. “Your place looks like the World’s Fair.””Does it? I’ve been glancing into some of the rooms. Let’s go to Coney Island, old sport. In my car.””It’s too late but how about you come in for a night cap?”Gatsby’s face was briefly shocked that even little old me would partake in bootleg property on occasion.”That would be great old sport!” 

Although I’m exhausted down to my bones, his presence renewed me with a second wind of energy. Before I wasn’t much of a drinker, but after his death I had formed a bit of a habit. Drinking seemed to be one of the few things that helped me sleep at night. So naturally this habit of mine was brought over to this cycle. We both nursed the cheapest scotch I had in relative peace. “So I’ve spoken to Miss Baker. I’ll ring up Daisy first thing in the morning. Would around twelve the day after tomorrow be alright for lunch and tea?””Oh, that’s alright I don’t want to put you in any trouble.” Another lie, we both know you want me to introduce you. You’re practically beaming from the idea. “Then it’s settled.” Perhaps it was jealousy that flooded my veins but I had promptly poured the remaining scotch leaving only a drop left. All the emotions I’ve been having for a year now threatened to devour me so I downed the glass in one fell swoop before it could. “Take it easy old sport.””I’m fine.””You don’t look it.” With my inhibitions at an all time low, words fell from my lips before my mind could catch up. That seems to be a reoccurring theme as of late.”If you could redo your life and everything around you was the same, would you act differently?””What is this about?””Nothing…but I know I would. Why not change your actions? You already witnessed what happened before. This time you get the opportunity to see all new outcomes.””I think it’s about time to hit the sack old sport.” He gets up to leave and my clumsy legs attempt to show him to the door. But the contents of that bottle transformed my legs into noodles some time ago. “Here let me help you to your room.””That’s fine I’m quite alright!” He wordlessly helped me to my room and laid me to rest. But before he could turn to leave, I had let the most burning question out. “Why her?””Who?””Daisy, why her?””Because I love her. Now get some rest old sport.”If the alcohol wasn’t lulling me to sleep my heart would’ve shattered right then and there. 

The next morning my head felt as if a vice had tightened around it in my sleep. Unfortunately for me that wasn’t the worst of my problems. I recalled last night, ever single detail vividly. My heart cracked at the thought of Gatsby admitting his love. Though, all along I had always known that to be the truth. I had a year to steep in the thoughts of the past. But now given this second chance I knew I couldn’t waste this opportunity. Even through my head pains and my cracked heart, I decided to enact my plan. Leading me one step closer to truly becoming a snake, but hopefully closer to saving him. 

I had remembered it was the small moments that had essentially brought out the real Jay Gatsby or should I say James Gatz? If it is at all possible, my goal would be to bring out more of this man. Perhaps more moments away from splendor/money and more simple entertainment will do the trick. The plan was set, wait for hours pretending that Daisy will show, then drag him out into town. I haven’t got a clue as to where yet, but I will soon enough. 

After work I had found a trolley into town and walked for hours intending to find the perfect place. Night fell and so were my hopes of finding a suitable location. When I had planned on turning back my eyes caught sight of a very eccentrically dressed woman walking into a barber. Out of curiosity I followed closely behind. Intrigue fuelled my steps and I too entered the shop. “Excuse me Sir, I saw a miss walk in here and disappeared. Where did she go?””Nobody came in here kid.” Said a gruff man who looked as if the whole world had beef with him. “I’m not a copper.””Hey kid read my lips, no one came in here! Now beat it!””I’m terribly sorry I, I’ll be on my way.””Mitch, it’s alright he’s with me, let him in.””Are you sure?””Let him in Mitch.” And there she was the object of my curiosity. She was more beautiful and exotic up close. Her jade dress clung to her form like a lover. And her chiseled eyes bore into mine as she spoke. I was for the better part petrified to the spot, unable to move a muscle. In the back of my mind I knew something was different about this lady, something I couldn’t quite place. She broke me from my trance by motioning me to follow her. 

The passageway was dark and grotesque as one would assume the gateway into hell would look. But upon entering the other side, the room was alit with laughter. A sort of burlesque show was entertaining some, whilst others had women in their laps with a glass in their hands. Everyone was having a gay old time, but when I scanned the room with more scrutiny there was something off about these women as well. Then it hit me like a blow to the back of my skull. They were not woman at all, but petite men in dresses. In what world had I trespassed on? Feeling my confusion the lady gently sat me at a table and began to speak.”So why you follow me?””I…””It’s alright everyone want to know my name. I’m Madame LeRoux. I, along with the others work here.””What kind of place is this?””Look around and open your eyes.””I, I didn’t know a place like this existed.””It is secret, only people of our kind can enter.””But I, I’m-””Stop fooling yourself we both know that’s a lie. I no let you in otherwise.””How did you-“”I have my ways, now what is your name?””Nick, Nick Carraway.””Nice to meet you Nick. So why are you really here?””I was trying to find a place to take my friend tomorrow when I stumbled upon you.””I see, so is friend?...””No!””Ah he is of the normal kind, and let me guess he has someone his heart desires. But you wish to turn his head towards you?””What?! No, well I.””I know everything darling, don’t you worry your pretty little head. I have a grand idea of how to help you.””You want to help me?””Yes, now come follow me.””She swiftly moved towards a door adjacent to the stage and I had barely caught up to her when she rounded another corner. However down a corridor I spotted a door that was left wide open for me. 

I peered inside and on one side it was filled to the brim with wigs and costumes and behind them were mirrors. I had walked into the most extravagant dressing room I have ever been in. Not that I had seen many to compare. “Sit down and close your eyes.”Unable to resist I did exactly as I was instructed and closed my eyes. After what felt like an eternity of bizarre sensations across my face and head, I was insured it was safe to open my eyes. What glanced back at me in the mirror shocked me to the very core. She had transformed my very image. A woman with my eyes and lips stared back at me. “How do you like?””I have no idea.””Now you can turn his head.””What?!””Plan is to turn your man’s head away from her.””I hardly believe that will work.””Worked for Madam LeRoux. I see you are hesitant that is fine we work slow. This will be final step. First bring him here, I will clean up place don’t worry. Then spend more time with him and go to his party like this and he will forget about her.””Party? How did you know?””She removed my wig and slowly began to reveal the man underneath. “Like I said, I know all.”Once my female self completely vanished like a ghost she pocketed her business card, showed me to the door and wished me a good night. 

All the way home my mind was spinning with questions. Why had I enjoyed seeing my female self? How did she know about Gatsby and his parties? Who was she really? That accent of hers, where was she from? But the biggest question of them all, how did she know about my proclivities? Fear started seeping in that perhaps it was more obvious and less well hidden that I had presumably thought. 

The day arrived and the weather was abysmal mimicking my mood. As I setup for the day my mind wandered to a year ago. How Daisy had fawned over Gatsby’s wealth. Deep down I had known that not sending word to my cousin was a despicable thing to do. However everything she had done to my friend was far worse. At first glance over the past year and all the years I had known her she simply played the fool. The pretty seemingly innocent soul that wouldn’t dare hurt a fly. But I know now that whether she intended to or not, she hurts everyone near her. Perhaps it was the fact that she didn’t bother to show for his funeral. But whatever it may be, what was once indifference towards her had grown into pure disdain. And If I have to become Gatsby’s shield against her I will gladly do it. 

At two o’clock a greenhouse of flowers arrived, covering every inch of my home. Soon enough I had known an hour had passed by the arrival of my neighbor. He was dressed to the nines in his white suit with a silver shirt and gold tie. However one look upon his face and his nerves were written as plain as day. “The paper said the rain would stop at four old sport.” Little did he know that the paper was to be wrong. The rain never lets up, it rains till the following day. There were many things that my dear friend was to be unaware of. A part of me longed to tell him the full truth, of what I had done, at what had come to pass. But for his sake, I’ve found it to be best if only one of us lost their mind. 

I did exactly as I sought out to do, and no word of this had reached Daisy’s ear. We waited patiently for hours, idle chatter peppered throughout the empty space. Sometime during the wait my mind had wandered to the events of this exact day. About this time a year ago I had scolded my dear friend for acting incredibly rude to Daisy. And then promptly left to give them space but really was more for my own gain. To clear my mind and for a semblance of peace. I had walked out and stood underneath a black knotted tree on my lawn and peered out. At the only thing there was to observe from my perch, Gatsby’s home. The workers had been busy tending to the chores of maintaining such a monstrously large home. What I wish my mind didn’t supply was the image of what came after my peaceful surveillance that day. I remember returning to find Daisy’s face smeared with tears, whether they were joyful or not I had not known. But Gatsby, he was absolutely radiating. His warm glow filled the entire room. This memory haunts me till this very day. It reminds me of how she was able to pull such a well being from him that I was unfortunately never able to. The closest I had ever gotten were the brief moments when James appeared through the cracks in Jay’s persona. Then images of Daisy blissfully drowning in the rich splendor of Gatsby’s wealth began pouring into my mind’s eye. I never quite understood her in this moment. Tom was rather well off, I couldn’t fathom why she was ecstatic over my neighbor’s material possessions. But the most heartbreaking moment of that day was witnessing Gatsby and her in their own little world. Blissfully ignorant to anything outside of it, forgetting that I was merely a stride away. Forgotten and tossed aside I was given the task of an unwanted onlooker. Feeling colder than I had in an age I had promptly left. I never knew what to make of these memories. Were they to be scorned, or to be jealous of? My only conclusion was confusion mixed with a good dose of heartbreak. 

The resounding toll of the sixth bell had echoed throughout my empty home, and I had decided it was time enough at last. Phase two of my plan was about to unfold. I will admit I was quite worried whether or not this would work but there was only one way to know for certain.”I don’t think she will show.””Just a little while longer old sport, you did send her a message right?””I did, but perhaps it’s the weather?” No word filled the void that was getting more and more solemn as the clock hand ticked away. As minutes passed my nerves were absolutely frayed. “She’s not coming Gatsby.”I was afraid the response was too curt but he didn’t seem to have noticed.”You might be right, did she call?””No, I wish she had so we wouldn’t have to waste our time.””I hadn’t realized you had other obligations sorry for keeping you old sport.” 

He stood making to leave when my arm shot out and grabbed his with a frenzied strength. “Wait! I, I only wished she would have informed us that she wouldn’t show. So that way we could start a new plan.””I see-“”Would you like to join me for dinner I found a place in town?!””Not tonight Old Sport.””I know you must be feeling down but please let it not ruin our day further. Besides I found a nice place the other day I wanted to show you!”Before he could answer I had grabbed my house keys and ushered him outside alongside me heading straight for the bus. Completely forgetting about the rain, that he had a car, and that my hand was still glued to his arm. 

We ended up in front of the barber soaked to the bone. “Did you want to get a haircut before dinner?” And there it is a slight chuckle, my plan just may succeed yet.”Just follow me!” I strode in with a fake bravado driving every step.”Hi there Mitch, she’s expecting us.” One look and I knew the man could see right through my act. Thankfully he wordlessly just grunted whilst pressing a button causing the hidden door to open. “Where are you taking me old sport?””Just wait and see.” 

We passed through the threshold and the Madame was true to her word. This was much more civilized and respectable than the day before. Although it was still pretty distinct that it was a cabaret of some sort. A gentleman escorted us to a secluded seat with a great view of the stage. “Here you are gentleman, and sir Madam will be out after the show. She would very much like to speak with you.””I see, please give her my warm regards this is a lovely seat.””I sure will, have a nice evening and enjoy the show.””So old sport how did you find this place?””Simply by accident.” And before I could decide on whether or not to tell him the story, curtains were pulled back signaling the start of a show. 

A large musical accompaniment blared and beautiful women, who I could only assume were the men I had seen earlier, danced together simultaneously. The pure glee was infectious and soon enough I was absolutely enthralled. Sometime during this number, I looked over to notice a small smile on my company’s face. I am glad that this night was not a complete down fall, and had managed to pull my friend from his thoughts. Sometime during the show the waiter had gone and placed meals in front of us, that I had no recollection of ordering. Another few entertaining rounds had come and gone when the waiter from earlier appeared on stage. “Good evening everyone, thank you for coming out in this horrid weather to join us this evening. For the last and final act, I would like to introduce the owner of this fine establishment Madame Leroux.” And there she was, as enchanting as before in a long maroon dress that flowed like a river. Her steps as graceful as a swan as she made her way to the piano. There was a stillness in the air, a stillness of anticipation when slowly and surely an elegant tune began to emerge. Her hands expertly found their way around the keys, pulling the most beautiful notes. As she played my curiosity got the better of me and I had looked upon Gatsby’s face. He too shared the same enamored expression I had only just been sporting. Then I realized, even if the rest of the night or even the rest of my stay in this loop were to be cut short or marred in any way. I could look back upon this moment, and be happy that he was able to take his mind off of Daisy. Even if it was just for a little while. 

After her act was over, the same waiter came to clear our table. “I hope you enjoyed our show tonight gentlemen.””We did, thank you.””Good, and Mr. Carraway? Madame said she would call upon you tomorrow instead. Would that be alright?””Of course, should I return tomorrow?””No need, she said that she will find you.” Before I had the chance to ask what he meant by that, he had ushered us to the exit. Once outside Gatsby flagged down a taxi and wordlessly motioned for me to enter it. The journey home was tense and I had tried my best to come up with some sort of start to a conversation. Any would do at that moment, however none felt like it would suffice. When we arrived at our respective homes I was the first to climb out. But when I stepped out I stopped and peered in at Gatsby still with such a contemplative expression. “Gatsby, I am sorry that Daisy hadn’t shown. But tonight was fun, I hope you had fun.”At the mere mention of her name he was pulled from his thoughts. ”What did you say old sport? Fun? Ah yes, it was fun. Thank you, and good night.””Goodnight.” I watched the cab pull away and right then and there I felt like I had undermined my whole plan by mentioning that cruel name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you and I hope you enjoyed it. And i hope 2019 will be kinder to you than 2018 was.


	6. Scent of a Woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again another month goes by, i'm sorry. I'm also sorry at how rushed and low quality this chapter is.

Gatsby’s past used to be quite a mystery and for some it still is. I however have peered behind the curtain, and now know enough to make his glamour shine less. He was a very driven man, and at times I had pondered if perhaps that very drive had made him a touch conceited. And at times I had wondered the possibility that perhaps his obsession wasn’t with Daisy at all. But rather obtaining the past and someone that would love him. Was she just an instrument to make himself feel assured? If that were the case then she could be replaced. And for once in over a year I had begun feeling rather saddened at the situation my cousin was in. She was ensnared by a drunk adulterer and caught the eye of a conceited obsessed man. This revelation had knocked the very wind out of me and I had to find a seat lest I fall. 

I dropped into my chair and pondered so deeply on the ramifications of saving my friend. I know he is a good man, just completely misguided. However my thoughts turned darker. Why did I feel compelled to save him, to save Mertyle and her husband, to fix everything? I had promised myself in the beginning of this bizarre predicament that I would make things different. But why? I do hopelessly love him, but what if he was meant to die? Would he just find another muse, if he did live? Would he die anyway due to his lack of Daisy? I remember after the incident he was depressed to the core. Whether it had been because of everything he did for her and realized it wasn’t enough. Or that he felt no one loved him, I don’t have a clue. Maybe it was a bit of both. Then is it my duty to show him love? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, that was what Madame’s plan was. To get Gatsby to realize he has me? As more than just a friend? Is that more risk than I’m willing to take?

I made up my mind to visit and began my trek over to his abode. When suddenly a stray though stopped me in my tracks. This time a year ago, I hadn’t heard from him for weeks and I was meant to meet Tom. That’s right, I had nearly forgotten I visited my dear neighbor only to be bewildered that Tom was already there. But what possible reason could Tom be there now? Things are already beginning to diverge from a year ago. Perhaps this won’t reoccur? I never did learn of the reason for his visit then. Only that Mr. Sloanne and the ladies couldn’t wait for Gatsby to reemerge before trotting away on their horses. And what a garish sight that was. 

I finished my stride over to Gatsby’s and made myself known. It had been days since I took him to Madame’s. The nerves ate at me, and I fretted over whether or not he learned of my peculiar leanings and refused to speak with me. Just then a familiar voice called out to me and I promptly entered. 

The following Saturday Gatsby held another party. Many celebrities arrived, I supposed he had hoped to dazzle Daisy and made this his best party yet. To my dismay this time he had sidestepped my help and invited Daisy on his own. And much like a year ago, I was frozen to my spot watching them dance. I was dazzled by his elegant foxtrot, when something changed before my very eyes. My thoughts had taken a turn I never dared to imagine before. A woman I had only seen once in a reflection wearing a beautiful red gown that flowed as she moved gracefully with him. Then with a smile all other guests faded away until it was just them. Their confident elegant strides bodies moving as one, it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. When the dance was over I was pulled from the trance and became ashamed of my outlandish thoughts and rushed homeward. No doubt I caused a commotion since in the back of my mind I swore I heard someone calling for me. But my legs continued onward until I was safely at my home. With all my strength I tried fooling myself that I wouldn’t hope for such things but I knew deep down that it would never get extinguished. 

The whirlwind of thoughts that plagued me for a year has made its great appearance once more. Memories of what had happened, dreams of what I wish were to happen, and fears of what might happen again, all played in unison before my eyes. Upon my arrival home I nearly tripped over a stray beautifully wrapped box with a white envelope atop it. In the most elegant handwriting I had ever seen it read, “Madame LeRoux.” It wasn’t enough to pull me free however and as I laid to rest I knew I would not find sleep tonight. One memory in particular began to replay until the early hours of the morning. “You can’t repeat the past.””Can’t repeat the past? Why of course you can! I’m going to fix everything just the way it was before!” 

The following morning I awoke to the sounds of a light tap upon my front door. I could still feel the hint of the memory plaguing the back of my mind. The irony of the whole situation didn’t escape me. However now it seems both Gatsby and I are stuck in the past. The light knocking became slightly harsher and more impatient. And I opened the door before giving any thought on how I presented myself. “Good morning Nick.””Madame! I wasn’t expecting you.””Won’t you let a poor woman in?””Oh, of course come right in.””How kind of you my dear. So have you opened my present?””Not yet I arrived home rather late last night.””So you didn’t open it?””No.””Perfect open now, I want to see your face.”I motioned for her to sit on the sofa before gingerly opening the package. I hadn’t the slightest clue what the contents of the box entailed but upon peering inside I felt taken aback. It was the most beautiful red dress I had ever laid my eyes on, although it looked hauntingly familiar. “Won’t you try it on my dear?” “I, I-” “No need to thank me child, just try on. I want to see.””My perplexed feeling must’ve been written all over my face when she placed the dress into my hands. “No fear, try on.” I excused myself to my room to change and as I felt the beautiful silk texture pour across the contours of my body I was shocked that it had fit me perfectly.

Sometime during my trance Madame had entered my room and placed the most gorgeous blonde wig atop my head. And suddenly even without the makeup that woman from before stared back at me in the mirror. “You look beautiful my dear.””How, how did you know?””Know what?”A torrent of emotions rushed through me leaving pain in its wake. “How did you know this is what I dreamt of?””I know everything child.””How could you possibly know?!””You forget I was you before.” “…What?” Unbeknownst to me tears had fallen down my cheeks and Madame wiped them away. “Before I come to America, I fell in love with beautiful man. He was my friend he did not know of my, proclivities. He was to go to war and before he left I had finally found strength to show him how I feel. He was shocked and I thought I will never see him again, and this is the last time I will see him. With shock all over his face. But the night before he go, he came to me. It was the last time I had seen him. Months later I heard from his mother that he died but he wrote one letter to a beautiful lady. She did not know lady was me.””I’m so sorry.””It is not your fault, he was my first and true love. But you see I had to show him my true self before he left, we both deserved truth.””So I should show Gatsby?””I saw how you look at him, even from afar I know. I want to give you same chance.””But, what if I get caught I could be thrown in jail. Or what if he doesn’t approve?””He will, trust Madame.” She had gently placed down a beautiful pearl necklace and high heels atop my bed and quietly excused herself.


	7. True Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day that everything had gone wrong, had arrived. Is Nick prepared? What will happen this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa yet again I haven't written in forever. If any of you out there have been patiently waiting since the beginning of this fic I am truly sorry. But we are nearing the happy ending so crossing fingers I'll figure out how to end it. This chapter was particularly difficult to write, I couldn't decide on whether or not Nick would 100% push everyone off the path or thing would reoccur. And if so what?

Gatsby replaced his staff. I went to see if he was alright but got turned away at the door. Jay called the next day and I asked why he fired everyone. Turns out he had fired them so they wouldn’t gossip about Daisy being over in the afternoons. And the reason for this particular call was because Daisy had wanted to invite me over for luncheon tomorrow. 

The next day was boiling hot as I made my way over to my dearest cousin’s abode. Both Jordan and Daisy were glued to the sofa, unable to move from the heat. I was about to inquire upon Tom’s whereabouts but I had heard him speaking over the phone before the question could leave my lips. Tom is speaking to who I could only presume to be Mr. Wilson about selling his car. Moments later a small child came rushing in to greet her mother, and in turn us. How this innocent creature spawned from such corrupt parents I will never know. She left almost as soon as she came, replaced by Tom’s presence. The heat had begun to rattle my brain and I began to drift in and out of thought. I pondered if seeing Daisy adore her child had not fit in Gatsby’s equation. And distantly I heard Tom spewing out words pretending that he had the capability to read and comprehend it. My thoughts drifted towards what Madame had revealed the other day. I envisioned her tragic story and her courage to bare her soul to the man she loved. Am I brave enough to save my dear friend and show him how I feel? Just then I was torn from my thoughts, “Who wants to go into town?”

As soon as those words fell from Daisy’s lips, it had all come back to me. Today was the day it all went wrong! Blood ran from my face, I hadn’t made any sort of plans to prevent Mertyle’s death and subsequently my friends. I remember it had been Daisy’s distraught self that had slain her. So theoretically all that was needed to be done was to prevent her from driving. What if that wasn’t good enough and Mertyle still perished and or Gatsby? As all of these possibilities unfolded I hadn’t noticed everyone had stopped to question my well being. 

“Nicky are you alright? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.” Before I could decide the best form of action words flew out. “Lets stay in, the town will most likely be hotter.”” For once I agree with you Nick, besides what is in the town you all want to see?” Jordan came to my side and asked in a hush tone. “That is not the real reason you don’t want to go into town is it?” Sweat trickled down my brow and this time for a reason other than the heat. 

Perhaps it was my crushing loneliness but I had dragged Jordan, none too politely, into a separate room. “Now that’s not how you treat a lady Nicky.”” I apologize but I cant keep it to myself any longer. You will most likely find me insane believe that I lost my marbles. But I have to tell someone before I really do lose them.” “What is it?”” This already happened all of this. One year ago, this very day was the day everything went wrong.”” Wha-? “”Today a year ago Daisy learns about Tom’s mistress and accidentally runs her down. Then unbeknownst to everyone her husband Wilson, he seeks revenge believing it was Gatsby and murders him.” I must’ve looked the part of a mad man , I know I sounded like one for Jordan was eerily quiet. “So that's why you don’t want anyone to leave.””Yes, wait you believe me?”” You may be a lot of things Nick but a liar isn't one of them.”” You, you don’t think I’m crazy?”” In some ways maybe, but this situation would make anyone crazy. Everything repeating, not knowing if it’s a dream and why you’re back. I'm sorry Nick must’ve been very trying.” “It is.”” Is that all?”” Hmm? I feel like you're holding something back.”” I want to save them Gatsby, and Mertyle and Wilson too. “What if they are meant to die?” “If that’s the case then why am I here?”” That is true, so how do you feel about Daisy fawning all over Gatsby in front of Tom?”

How was I to answer such a question? I had already spewn the truth out as if was some poison I desperately needed to expel. But to tell her that I also leaned differently and rather enjoyed looking at the lady in the mirror? “It upsets you doesn’t it? I knew you were a peculiar fellow Nick. I had my assumptions. There’s an alternative reason for wanting to save him isn’t there?” How did she know was I that obvious? “I, I… “”It’s alright Nick my lips are sealed. I will also help you in any way I can. So may I ask what happened after his death?”” The world became dark and empty. No one save his father had shown for the funeral. Daisy and Tom ran away, mainly to run from any accusations. Months later I ran into Tom before work, and just the nerve of him. I wanted to refuse shaking his hand.”” He is quite a brute with an imp for a brain.” She laughed and I soon fell suit, It was absolutely refreshing to have an ally in this. “Before I help you I have to ask you to be completely honest with me from now on. Also I will handle Daisy and you take Gatsby home.” 

We reemerged to multiple questioning looks. “So what do you two have to discuss privately? Oh Jordan you must tell me.”” It’s private that’s why they left.” “Oh Tom hush, Jordan please.” “I wanted to ask Nick over for lunch privately.” “Oh I knew you took a shining to her Nick.” “So is the matter settled are we going into town or not?” “We will!” “Daisy let’s stay indoors instead.” But of course the words fell on deaf ears. As we split up into the two cars everything was repeating itself, and all I could do was be a spectator once more. 

After hearing all of the accusations Tom threw, and the way Gatsby looked a second time around. How he tried to convince Daisy that the validity of those accusations were to be questioned. And even his attempt to persuade her of her own heart was simply pitiful. Before I had either been shocked to disbelief or simply ignorant because of my infatuation with him. But being in this moment once more, I was uncertain as to whether or not I should save my friend at all. I know now most of what Tom had accused him of were very true. But I also knew he had done all of it to win back someone he had lost. It was romantic but also quite ridiculous. But if I didn’t help him, then this whole return journey of mine would’ve been for naught. And the possibility of Mertyle and Wilson becoming casualties was also something I couldn’t take lightly. Words I had heard on that solemn day a year ago sprang forth. “Why, my God! They used to go there by the hundreds. The poor son-of-a-bitch.” And he really was. I remembered the ordeal I had taken in attempt to find anyone to attend his funeral. In all of his life I think I am the only true friend he had. I realized then and there that when I succeed with my mission, then I must start upon my next one immediately. Helping my friend stay on a straight and narrow path.

“I loved you too.” I broke from my thoughts when I heard those words. I was hoping to spare my friend from having to hear these words. Words that inevitably broke him. This is the exact moment I knew Gatsby would no longer be that charismatic self he once was. Even if he were to live, nothing with be the same again. Despite my best attempts my cousin had prevailed. I should’ve known that no matter how hard I tried this part of the story was always doomed to repeat itself. In no universe, no new lease on life, could change this part. Gatsby will always seek her and he will always be meant to have his heart shattered by her. Watching this unfold once more, felt as if I were watching a car accident or a murder take place in slow motion before my very eyes. Ironic considering that is what happened before. As much as I don’t care for Mertyle or her husband they were two casualties in this torrid love affair. I had hoped I could spare them and Gatsby’s heart this time around. But it seems I will have to pick up his pieces and put him back together. 

I pulled Jordan aside and whispered to her. “This is all happening again, he’ll be broken. Don’t let Daisy drive.””How are we going to do that?””We need to separate them somehow.””I have a plan, act as ill as possible.””What?!””Just trust me and do it!””Alright.” I fell onto my knees clenching my head. It wasn’t hard to fake an illness, I simply had to let the stress from this whole year take a hold of me. I succumbed to all of my fears and doubts that plagued me from the beginning of my journey. And the entire contents of my stomach had risen to greet me. “Nicky are you alright?” Daisy rushed over to me feigning worry but most likely feeling blessed she found a way out of the stressful situation she was in. “Oh Gastby, you’re his neighbor take him home to rest won’t you?!” As if broken from a trance. “What was that my dear?” Jordan usually her calm self was anything but. “Drive Nick Home!” Gatsby threw my arm around his shoulder and lead the way to his vehicle. “Here take the keys!” Jordan with god like swiftness snatched the keys from Tom and threw them towards our retreating forms.

It wasn’t until minutes later that I began to regain my senses. The wind and my surrounding urging me back to the land of the sane. (All relative of course.) “Are you okay Old Sport?””Yes, I think so. Thank you.””What happened, you were fine earlier how did you fall so ill?””I’ve been feeling quite out of my element for a long time now.”If only he had known the half of it. As we drove on something truly hilarious dawned upon me. I am most certain that to any onlooker I appeared to be mad, and needed to be admitted immediately. However I can’t seem to contain my laughter. Yet again it was my birthday and I had forgotten. I turned 30 today, or rather 31 however you look at it. Being so caught up with the drama and the scandal of my stay here I have completely forgotten myself. Looking back my whole situation was ridiculous and it fueled my fit of laughter more. 

Silence fell as we finally approached our respective homes. I slowly got out of the car, still slightly reeling from all that transpired today. I looked back to speak when he beat me to it. “I know what you did back there, trying to get me away from that situation.” “I-””Thank you.””You deserve someone looking out for you.”I hadn’t wanted that to slip out. I feared it would give away my heart, and my adoration for him. But thankfully he seemed to have taken the meaning to be brotherly. “Thank you. It’s James by the way. James Gatz.””Alright James.” He started up the engine once more about to head home when I had the sudden urge to stop him.”WAIT!””Yes, Old Sport?””Can I visit later today? I’d like to keep you company. And maybe it’ll help both of us. We do both have a lot on our minds. Maybe going through it with someone would be helpful? Or just for good company, I don’t think anyone should be alone after what happened.” Without turning he responded quietly barely audible over the sound of the engine. “Yes, that could be good.” He prepared to shift the car into gear when I shouted. “By the way it’s Nick!” I heard a small chuckle and he turned and gave me the closest he possibly could to a genuine smile that either one of us could muster before he pulled away. 

As I closed the door, my legs fell from under me. I was in the same spot I was in all of those weeks earlier. I hugged my knees with a vice like grip and rivers of tears fell from my eyes. I had successfully averted Gatsby’s and Mertyle’s death. Today, had been the longest and most straining day of this loop yet. Now that my dear friend is going to live, will time reset itself or will it progress from now on? Or will it revert back to a time when my friend no longer existed? Did Jordan succeed in preventing Mertyle’s death? If she didn’t will Wilson still seek revenge? All of these worries clawed at my very soul and left me wracked with fear. No, I must remember that I saved him. Even if everything goes back, I had this chance to save him. And I did my best. Then I heard Madame’s voice as clear as day in my mind. “I am glad I had the courage to show him my true self.” The second part of the plan, to show him my heart. I’m here now at the edge of the precipice. Am I strong enough, brave enough, to continue? Or will I be a heartless sentinel guarding over someone I could never share in love? As all of these thoughts knocked around in my head my legs moved on their own accord to my room. My eyes couldn’t shut any faster had I used some sort of medication to aid me. 

Hours went by when I had awoken to a start, remembering my promise to visit my dear friend. As each stride pulled me ever closer to that house a mantra of hope began repeating in my mind. “You saved him, he is alive.”I rushed to his home out of breath when the unamused butler invited me in and wordlessly directed me to the study. I rushed toward the room fearful that he might’ve taken in by dark ideas. James was behind his desk and book and papers were strewn all across the floor. And the smell, it seemed he must’ve drank an entire distillery. “Nick! You came!””I’m sorry I’m late James.””Don’t worry here have some!” With nothing left to fear I grabbed the bottle and took several greedy swings. It definitely helped calm the nervous tick. Hours went by as we drank together in intermittent silence. “Do you still plan on having those parties?”Wha-? Oh, no, they were for daisy.””What are you going to do now? Will you move?””Maybe…””You’re still going to try to get her back aren’t you?””What’s it to you?””Nothing, I suppose.””…How about you? Still stocks?””Not sure, I might write again.””Goo-” And there it was Gatsby had fallen asleep and with what little energy I had left I called the butler to help me take him to his room. Before I turned to leave I swore I heard a faint sentence. “I don’t think she ever loved him.” As if another force was driving me I had taken my leave and once more ended up on my bed. Quite unaware of how all of that transpired. But blissfully ignorant I shrugged everything off and promptly succumbed to the lull of slumber. 

The next morning I was awoken by a phone call from my new found ally. She requested to spend the day together to discuss a plan of action. I agreed to meet her in town. “So now that you saved all of them do you think time will go on or will it reset again?” “I was pondering that myself.” “Well for your sake I hope it continues. Anyhow there's something I’ve been wanting to tell you. Do you remember earlier I had told you we should be completely transparent with each other?” “Yes.” “Well I’m afraid I haven’t been. You see I’m like you. I, I lean a different way than most women. Rumors had started to spread since I started to play Golf.” “I, I didn’t know.” “And now you do.” I had suspicions that maybe she could be similar to me when I had first met her. But ever since I hadn't really spent much thought on it. “Can I show you a place I recently discovered?” “Sure.” 

I took her to Madame’s, and she too hadn't known a place like this existed but her surprised expression left swiftly to regain her calm collected facade. I introduced her to Madame and subsequently the woman in the mirror. Perhaps she was shocked but nothing about her countenance would’ve given it away. In fact she appeared to approve in every way. She pulled me back to our table and enjoyed the rest of the evening with small talk before we left to our respective homes. The taxi dropped me off first but before it could leave Jordan rolled down the window.”Convince Gatsby to have another party. I would like to go plus it would be a good distraction for all of us. Oh and bring Nicole!” The taxi drove off and left me in a bewildered state. She wants to go to a party with Nicole? Suddenly I remembered myself and rushed into my home praying no more than the taxi driver had seen the state of me. However little did I know at the time Gatsby had spotted me, or rather Nicole, from his perch at the dock staring off again into the green light. 

As I was carefully taking Nicole apart piece by piece my telephone rang dragging me away from the hypnotic lady. “Hello?””Nick! Do you have a minute? Mind if I come visit quickly?””Um, no give me a minute to be decent.””Sure thing, see you soon.” I rushed back into my bedroom like a madman and took off all signs of Nicole, forgetting my makeup until the eighth time I stared into the mirror. Just on cue I heard a soft knock at the door. “Are you decent Nick? Can I come in?””Yes! I’ll be right out!” In my haste I hadn’t had the chance to remove my makeup to the extent I would’ve liked. “Good evening sorry for visiting so late and at such short notice. Oh have you had a friend over?” He pointed to my lips and in my horror I realized they must be very pink still from the lipstick. “I, um yes well I just returned from my day with Jordan.””Ah, well good for you Old Sport. I mean Nick, sorry old habits die hard.””That they do. So is there something you wanted to talk to me about?””Yes, well I thought about what you had said and I think a little party would be a good distraction.””Really?! I mean yes that would be great. When did you have in mind? This upcoming Friday?””That’ll be perfect I will be there.””Would you be needing an invitation again?” We both let out a little chuckle before he turned to leave, and I closed the door behind him. Thoughts of that daydream I had before, of a beautiful lady in red dancing with James lulled me to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is going to be the last Fic I write chapters for, I can't seem to finish them in any decent length of time. Also the last chapter will be 100% away from the book, so it might take a bit to figure out how to go about doing that. Oh and sorry there wasn't any dialogue between Jordan and Madame, maybe I'll add that in another edit later.


	8. Lady in Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is only the beginning to something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank goodness I finished this before the end of the month! Anyway for all of you who have been following this story thank you so much for your patience and your love for it. For those who are new thank you as well, and I hope you have enjoyed it. This chapter wasn't following the book at all so it took me a bit to figure out what exactly to do. I'm still not 100% in love with this chapter, i might come back to fix it later. Maybe add a longer epilogue. But it's tentatively finished for now.

Upon waking I couldn’t decide on what to do with my day, or even what to do with the rest of my life. After his death a year ago, I simply moved back west and took up another job in stocks. But everything was different now, my friend was alive and so were the others. Just then the phone rang startling me out of my thoughts. As if she somehow knew I had wanted someone to speak with, it was Jordan and she invited me to lunch. “So you finished what you sought out to do. And since it’s not spring again I can only assume we haven’t gone back. Now what? Did you convince Gatsby to throw another party?””He’s having one tonight.””How do you plan on telling him you love him?””I, wait did I tell you I wanted to do that?””No, but you must. I know it’s hard for people like us to survive but we need to live too.””How about you, found anyone?””No, I’m afraid that is one thing I had in common with Gatsby. I need to get over her too.””You, and Daisy?!””Yes I loved her, but friendship was all she could give me. So I took it, and that’s why I want you to tell him. Don’t live in the shadows like me.” I was taken aback from her confession, but then the pieces had all fallen into place. I hadn’t thought anything of it, how they were tied to the hip. I had chalked it up to merely a close friendship. “Anyhow I have to get going pick me up before the party, goodbye Nick.”

I strolled up the pathway from the taxi to my home. Mind completely in a daze, thinking on what Jordan had said. “Now what,” now what indeed? I was all the way to my door when a sudden smell of smoke and a clearing of a throat was heard to my left. Turning my head I saw it was none other than Madame LeRoux, and she seemed to have been waiting for quite a while. Since the cigarette was almost burnt to the bud. “Good afternoon Nick.””Madame LeRoux! Have you been waiting for me for long?””Don’t worry my dear.””What can I do you for?””I have come to see how you are doing.””You could’ve phoned or I could’ve gone out to see you.””Yes, but I wanted to see you myself, so I came. Anyhow won’t you let me into your home?””Oh of course!” We went in and I immediately set out to make some tea. “So you have good news, yes?””Oh yes, I do! Gatsby is safe!” I poured the tea and sat down next to her. “Good good, then it is time.”

“It is time Nick to show him your heart.””He just had his heart broken from Daisy, I can’t do this to him.””You will help him put his heart back together. That is what your mission always was. You are glue that mend people’s hearts.” We both sat in silence quietly sipping our tea, whilst I found the courage to ask her what I’ve been wanting to for months.”There’s something I need to ask you again. How come you know everything that happens?” Just then Madame pulls out a very familiar pair of round glasses and places them on her face. Those eyes, those glasses! They’ve stared down on me many times before. T.J. Eckleberg’s eyes! “You’re T-” “T.J. Eckleberg, yes. When I come to America I bring with me my father’s trade. He was an optician and made glasses for many people, as have I. “That doesn’t explain how you could know all about me. Are you a spy or a witch? Are you the one who brought me back?!””No, and yes. My mother was a Gypsy. She taught me many spells and others I learned over many years. I have been watching you and I decide to help.”This was by far the most earth shattering news I have ever heard. As if reliving the past wasn’t shocking enough already.”Why?””It is exactly like you think. Save your lover and show him your heart.””WHY?! HOW?!” I clenched my teeth and all manner of emotions and uncertainties flowed through me. “I could not do so for my love, but when I saw you and learned everything. I knew I must help you.””And you couldn’t come to me and tell me I’m not going crazy?! That this is the past!””You would not believed me. Also if you did not come to me on your own you would have never seen or act upon your heart’s true desires.””So you’re saying I would’ve just been going on but not actually living and taking any risks? Is that what you’re telling me?!””Yes.””Well that’s a load of hogwash Madame. If that’s even your name. I would’ve-””Would have what? Maybe you succeed. Maybe Gatsby would be alive. But you will always look from afar when he finds another woman. Never looking at you.” Fed up from everything, maybe she was right but it didn’t matter my anger was the emotion that won in the end.”…Get out.””I am sorry Nick in time maybe you will forgive me.””GET, OUT!””Good luck my friend” 

She got up and left a letter on the table as she saw herself out. I stood there dumbstruck, trying to process everything. In my heart I knew she was right, if it wasn’t for the push I never would’ve even dared to come this far. What she had said about looking from afar was almost eerily similar to what Jordan had just told me earlier today. “Don’t’ live in the shadows like me.” The sound of my telephone ringing disrupted my thoughts. “Hello?”Speak of the devil it’s almost as if she too was a Gypsy like Madame, or at the very least in cahoots with her.”Nick you didn’t forget did you?””What?””Gatsby’s party, you invited me remember?””Oh shoot, I’ll come get you now!””Don’t bother I’m heading out to you. I’ll meet you soon and we can walk together.””Are you sure?””Yes, also invite the lady.””Lady?””The Mirror Lady. Let her shine Nick! She deserves it.””I, um.””Bye see you soon.” Maybe Jordan and Madame were right. Maybe it was time to show him my heart. What more do I have to lose? Except for everything. Now that I know for certain this isn’t a dream I could be killed or even worse he could be disgusted. Worry began to devour me and a slight tremor overtook my body. Then I remembered the envelope Madame had left. 

Dear Nick,

I want to say I am sorry. I am the reason you are reliving the past year. My real name is T.J. Eckleberg. I came to this country to run from the war and to help other people like me. I know that is  
what my love would want me to do. The sign you have seen before is my store I had owned before meeting my Mitch it was my disguise and my work. After I married Mitch, I opened up the cabaret  
you have visited. And in my own way I have tried my best to help others like you. When I saw you I needed to help, and I know you were worried you might go crazy or this was some kind of dream .  
And I am sorry for that. But I hope in time you can forgive me. And I hope I have helped you. I know our kind is not something we should shun, despite what the world believes. We should nurture  
love in all forms, because love is beautiful. Don’t be afraid to find it, and when you do cherish it. 

Your Gypsy,  
Madame LeRoux. 

The anger in my dissipated, I had been furious to know that Madame was the one behind all of this. But, in a way I was grateful. Reliving this, having the chance to fix things, was the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. Even when I had chalked it all up to being a long elaborate dream at first, it was great to see my friend once more. Now knowing that this is in fact reality horrified me, but also shot a thrill of excitement through my veins. I know I am no longer the same person as I was a year ago, or even the same one as I started this rewrite. Somewhere along the way I had grown more confident, found an inner me I had never known existed, and found two kindred spirits. Feeling this excitement and motivation flow through me I set about getting ready for the party. Knowing full well that someone could learn the truth about me and out me to the police or hurt me, I carried on. Nothing was going to stop this feeling of surging confidence and femininity, Nicole will be the ‘Bell of the Ball’ or so be damned! 

Minutes later there she was again, that beautiful lady starting back at me in the mirror. Something was different about her today. She looked as radiant and confident as ever before, and then I knew for sure. Today was the day to show her to the world. Just then a knock had sounded on my door and I knew it was time. Jordan had come and together we will face whatever the future had in store for us. “Are you ready?””As ready as I’ll ever be.””What will your name be Miss?””My name is…Nicole!””Very imaginative. But it suits you.””Thank you.””Now Nicole, you look stunning and it’s time for you to show the world your beauty!”I blushed from head to toe, but gently grabbed her outstretched hand and walked with her to our uncertain future.

I hadn’t expected countless men glancing in my direction. At first it had felt like they were all scrutinizing me and that maybe they knew the truth. But further into the party I had noticed they were not scrutinizing as much as devouring me with their lustful eyes. So this is what the receiving end had to endure, I pondered on how anyone could feel anything less than a prey. Just then I spotted my heart’s desire across the room. I was shocked to find him not in a conversation with anyone, but silent and nursing a glass in his hand. This was the second time I had ever seen him in a depressive solemn state, and it tore at my heart strings.

I walked closer and my presence awoke him from his stupor. “Hello Miss. Would you like to share a drink with me?” I nodded afraid my voice would give me away and sat opposite of him. But what startled me the most was how his whole demeanor had changed. His eyes bore into mine, I hoped he of all people wouldn’t unravel my secret. “What is your name miss?” I mustered up a voice not unlike my own but infinitely more feminine and immediately she was alive. “My name is Nicole.” It’s strange but up until this point she was merely a face, a pretty dress. But now having introduced someone with her voice. She felt as real as you or me. “Enjoying the party?””As much as you seem to be.””Ah I’m sorry, I just feel my heart shattering. I’m sorry I’m divulging too much information onto you and we’ve only just met. How ungentlemanly of me.””Maybe it needs to break for it to be fixed?””Why break at all then?””Maybe it needs to so you can find someone who would cherish your heart.””Or maybe it’s all a lie.”It was barely above a whisper but it froze me to the spot. I hadn’t entertained the thought that Gatsby knew all along that getting Daisy back was a futile attempt. I had always believed his delusion of reliving the past was real. “I think maybe you need to take a step back and see what has been in front of you all along.” “What do you mean?””That maybe she never truly loved you truly someone else has.””She never loved me? How could you even mention that? To a complete stranger no less!” “Open your eyes.” I couldn’t handle James angry at me and I made my swift exit.“Wait!” 

With all intent and purposes I wanted to be done with all of this and return home and sulk. But something inside of me new that I had come too far to not enjoy this night. Even if I don’t manage to divulge my heart to him, I would rest a little easier knowing that he is alive and so is Nicole. I strolled through the party looking for Jordan and found her happily chatting up a couple of ladies who seemed to recognize her and were fawning over her. Many cocktails later I had felt my defiant stance weary and even indulged a few men to a dance or two. I tried my hardest to keep James from my mind. However to no avail, I couldn’t stop thinking of what had been said and what could’ve been said. My whole mission tonight was to show him my heart but I wasn’t quite sure of how.

Hours have gone by and most guests trickled away towards their respective homes. And I wasn’t any closer in figuring out what I should say to James. The truth was what he deserved I knew that much, but how? Soon enough hints of color painted the sky. And I knew it was over, the morning sun threatens to end such a glamorous nigh, shining forth a new day. It was quite some time ago when I had lost track of him. He was being elusive as ever, most likely due to our conversation earlier. Perhaps the party wasn’t enough of a distraction for him after all. 

I strolled through his home in search for him. There he was a lonely figure in his bedroom. Gatsby no James, was peering out the window looking very worn down. The sound of my heels clicking on the stone floor gave my presence away. He turned towards me and with the rays hitting him he looked like a tired angel. “Thinking of her?””Hmm?””The lady you lost.””How did you know?””I can tell.””Yes and no. I was thinking of everything and life itself really.””How philosophical of you…I’m sorry for earlier. For spouting all of that without even knowing anything about you.”That’s alright, I’m sorry for being angry with you.” I laid my glass down and elegantly motioned for him to join me in a dance. He wordlessly joined me and we swayed along, and all time slipped away. The band had left hours ago, but we flowed with a silent tune meant only for us. We danced until the sun finally showed itself over the horizon. Pouring warmth over us and marking the new day. 

There were words I had spoken to him before his death not more than a year ago. They were honest, heart felt words. Words I didn’t dare speak again till it was time. “They’re a rotten crowd. You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.” And there it was, a little rough from the sleeplessness, but it was there bright as always. That beautiful radiant smile. With the rays shining upon us it was all too picturesque to not take that final leap of faith. I closed the distance between us and placed a tentative kiss on those soft lips. 

With only one last thing to say, even if he were to reject me now it would be done. My mission would be over and I could rest happily.“I love you.””I love you too Nick.”Stunned that he hadn’t pushed me away or looked upon me with disgust in his eyes. Then I replayed his words in his head, he had loved me too? Wait, but? ”You knew?””It wasn’t that hard to find out Nicole. Plus you both have the same eyes.”He had known, for how long? Since our conversation earlier? ”I suppose so. But, you love me?””I believe I have for a long time. Just never accepted what I had felt for Daisy to be over.” “If I could be so bold to say, that I am glad that it is.””As am I.” 

Epilogue:

In a lovely garden overlooking the expansive view of the property. Somewhere in a far away land called California. A strange but yet beautiful woman was writing whilst indulging in a cup of tea. Everything was elegant with a hint of modesty and quaintness that gave the place its charm. A man casually dressed silently approached hoping to not make himself known. “James would you please stop trying to frighten me while I’m writing. The ink will go everywhere again.” 

The man let out a huff, momentarily upset that his presence had been known all along. “What are you writing?””I thought I’d start on that book.””What is it about?””A woman given a second chance to save the man she loves from himself.””Sounds familiar.””All too familiar.” She pulls the smiling man down to her level for a chaste but passionate kiss. “So my dear what are your plans for the rest of the day?””Maybe to write some more or maybe go into town. How about yourself?””I had plans but seeing as you look absolutely beautiful I had thought of throwing them all away and spending the day with you.”He pulled her up and they began to dance, hips swaying to a secret rhythm, like that day many years ago. “I love you James Gatz.””And I love you my dear sweet Nicholas Carraway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if Nick is a drag queen or transgender, I don't think he even knows. I just kept the character in a dress because it felt like that's the way they could pretend to be a married couple in that time period. Also because Nicole needed more time, and plus dresses fit the beautiful picture i painted in my head more than a suit would.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope that's a good prologue-esque beginning. We've got a long way to go yet folks, probably at least 8 more chapters who know. Or just condensed. Anyways we will see how it all plays out.


End file.
